Monologue..
New year brings a lot of hopes along with it. I’ve heard people saying if the first day of the new year is good for you the following days of the year will all be alike. Yeah like all others do even I had a couple of resolutions set in my mind for me, and I’m quite happy about keeping the promises I’ve made to myself. First day of my new year was awesome I tell you, but I was wondering why aren’t the rest alike. Everything you tried holding together is drifting away, and all you can do is to see it with a tear in your eye.
Every year, people in IT sector are rated according to the performance, and are given salary hikes. I agree that I’ve been on bench for sometime, but I did give the best when I was part of project. During the first project, I was asked to work on a complete new technology, where no seniors mentored us, as they themselves had no clue about it. Me along with couple of other guys learnt the technology and have delivered the code within the timelines set. During the second project of mine I was in a support team, where I was supposed to fix the bugs. I think writing the code all by yourself is pretty easy to understanding some one else’s code, and fixing bugs in it. I must thank my senior, who had helped me in learning the things. As I’ve told you already, we will be rated according to the performance, if we are not satisfied with the rating of ours we can reveal it during a discussion with the manager. And during the disussion my manager told me, that organization can’t afford training on all the technologies and all I’ve done is what I’ve been told to do (arggggghhhh,, I’ve no clue what else one should do??.. not do what they have been asked to??..). Well, in that case there are couple of other guys who are still in bench from the day they finished training(it’s been more than a year) and have done nothing. Even they have got the same rating as I’ve got. What differentiates me from them?, When I’m sure that all I’m going to get is this worst rating anyways why should one work? I just had to see all my efforts of a year go in vein helplessly.
I don’t think I should tell you about this recession thing. How did it affect me??, Well, I’m in IT sector and I must be a victim. There are some three hundred guys who were been chosen and were been trained for a new project, I was one among them (not quite sure as to say whether I was fortunate or not). The client has gone broke and they are no more giving business to our organisation thus giving a threat to jobs of we three hundred guys.
And yeah, this isn’t all, how can you forget the relationship I’m in. If you somehow happen to know what I’m into, it’s quite easy for one to judge that I must be a darn practical guy (or probably a hell of selfish guy). Well, couple of friends do understand what I’m actually going through, but even they are as helpless as I’m. The feeling of being ignored by someone, someone who are real special for you, some one whom you really love hurts like hell. My consience says me to back off, but heart says otherwise. I should say I really miss her. A helpless situation where everything I tried holding on for so long is drifting away, and all I can do is to stand helplessly.
*Every dark cloud has a silver line* they say, I’ve learnt to be hopefull everytime I fall. Every time I shed a tear when I fall, I stand up wiping the tear off and swearing to myself I won’t shed a tear again. Nothing in this world is worth my tears. If you still have managed to make it till here, I must congratulate you, for being an ear to all my complaints. Wish you a very happy and prosperous new year. Happy reading. 
